Partnering Up in Times of Disaster

Community Building

Times are tough. The price of diesel fuel and groceries, as well as interest rates and inflation show no immediate signs of easing. People are angry. Name-calling and behaving badly anytime, anyplace, are the new norm. I don’t have enough space, crayons or patience to talk about the conduct of elected officials and the state of industry. That’s not what we do here. We talk about the actionable, practical steps individuals and families can take to create readiness, increase resourcefulness and promote resilience. In crisis and times of difficulty, what matters is how you show up for yourself and those you care most about.

 Other than the obvious, I’ve long viewed my food stores as a hedge against high prices as well as a safety net in the event of a financial or personal crisis. I’ve been preparing for a long time and that’s not going to change. In fact, I plan to double down on my plans to ensure my safety, security and stability in times of difficulty. It goes without saying that my family figures prominently in these plans. But I also think about how a community can look.

I’m not sure that sharing resources is the way I want to go. Instead, I think helping others prepare affords a greater degree of stability as well as promoting more overall readiness within your community. The best laid plans can fall apart when tested for the first time. Unless you’ve planned from the outset to accommodate an additional person or family, your assumptions won’t hold up. As a singleton, a plan that contains a month’s worth of water, food, toilet paper and the ability to charge a phone or tablet, is a solid starting point. However, if a buddy shelters with you, the plan has materially changed and you’re likely looking at two weeks’ worth of resources, if you’re lucky.

If the buddy brings a pet, has medical conditions or some other variable you didn’t factor into the preparedness equation, you’ve taken on additional responsibilities that go unaccounted for. This can play out in many ways and none of them are good. Aside from the stress of running out of resources, the real harm is that a friendship has likely been torched in the process. 

Both outcomes are avoidable and, if you’re even remotely considering allowing anyone to shelter with you in a disaster, you have the responsibility to have the awkward conversation up front. A few years ago, I was talking to a coworker about becoming better prepared and he took a shortcut and said that he’d just come to my house. I asked what he was bringing with him and he was confused so I repeated my question; what are you bringing with you? He fully understood at that point and, genuinely offended, replied that he was bringing himself. I need to stop here because for many, this is the extent of the conversation. On the contrary, it should be the start of a focused conversation.

A minute ago, I said that I’m not sure I want to share resources; however, if I had to, here’s my blueprint for the conversation and the arrangement. Being direct might seem counter-intuitive, but dancing around sensitive topics isn’t helpful and doesn’t give you the information you need. Ask direct questions!

o   Specifically, what is the help you are asking for? How would that look to you and your family?

o   What about medical issues and medications?

o   How many people are we talking about? Pets? What kind and how many?

o   What resources and skills are you bringing?

o   How long do you think you will need to stay?

o   How do you and your family respond to stressful situations? This is an important question to ask, and you don’t want to come across as judgmental, but you need to know what to expect.

o   What’s your daily life like? How do you spend your down time: Bible study, video games, drinking quietly or watching TV?

Like I said, these are my suggestions. Feel completely free to ask the questions you need to allow you to form a baseline for ensuring your safety and security while helping others. 

Everyone lives differently due to a host of factors. It’s neither right nor wrong; it is what it is. In normal times, people are difficult to deal with, and this starts with the person you see when you look in the mirror. The upside is that you only own half of it! We’re not going to do a deep dive into human nature but suffice to say, plenty of people keep the petty ready.

Based upon your relationship, how you respond to this is what matters. If it’s a relative or a close friend, you have likely learned to ignore a fair amount of the behaviors that trigger you. Once you’ve reached your limit, employ whatever coping mechanisms you have at your disposal. With strangers and casual acquaintances, the latitude they’re given is significantly less.

Consider this: you’re holed up with your parents, adult siblings and their kids. You love them, of course, but that’s not the issue. Your brother-in-law has always annoyed you, and your sister simply ignores his offensive comments. There’s nowhere to go to cool off or sit quietly in private. Your parents stress family unity and they, too, ignore the brother-in-law.

This is a common scenario and sadly, the solution isn’t readily obvious or simple. Aside from the situation itself, stress is the underlying cause of friction. In normal times, we’re able to control our behavior by setting boundaries, limiting our interaction with others and the situations that trigger us and for some, medication. For most people most of the time, managing their behavior is doable. Identify the specific stressors and address them. Acknowledging them can lessen the impact.

For some, holing up with their family isn’t an option. Equally, some people are most tolerable in small doses and infrequently, at best. Look in the mirror and ensure that you’re not that person.  

If you’re able to go it alone but prefer to join others, give yourself a backdoor and a trigger. Determine in advance what your “dealbreaker” is and figure out how you’d leave or tell others to leave.  

So, what do you do? How do you keep your sanity while maintaining group cohesion?        

o   If you decide to shelter with others, clearly define how that looks and what it means.

o   Set limits and boundaries and stick to them. Respect the same with others.

o   Unless necessary, don’t reveal the full extent of your plans and supplies, even with trusted allies.

o   Create workable contingencies based upon your capabilities and that are practical to the situation.

If ants, bees and termites could read, they’d likely object to my statement. Since they’re incapable of reading, as far as I know, here it is. We’re the most social animal on earth and thrive in the company of others. This doesn’t make living together, working together and getting along any easier, though. We tend to view ourselves as being less extreme than others. Whether or not this is true isn’t the point. If the overarching goal is to keep the group together at all costs, then you’re signing up for a lot of extras. Don’t be afraid to ask tough questions and be clear about what you’re signing up for and committing yourself to. You make the best decisions and protect yourself with information that has been verified and is actionable.

Since I know that my friends can read and I hope they read this post, I’ll close with this. If you’re thinking of coming to my house, bring yourself, and make sure your plan is in the backpack you’re carrying!    

Want to put a plan together? Click here. How I Got Started and Community Building are great reads and detail how I started and some thoughts on forming a stable, viable community, respectively. Finally, download the Skills to Master checklist.

Michael Witherspoon is the founder of Hidden Cache Prepper. A Certified Healthcare Emergency Professional and former EMT with a background in emergency management, he spent years with the American Red Cross and teaching disaster response and disaster psychology at the college level. He writes preparedness for real households, calmly, plainly and without the fearmongering. Read more about Michael here.